Help Desk

When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen-saver passwords.

When IT support sends you E-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. That is obviously our job.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your personal telephone line from here.

When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean when you say, "My thingy blew up."

Don't use online help. Online help is for people that can read.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

When you get a message saying, "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

Feel perfectly free to say things like, "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call computer support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task and the manufacturer recommends that it be performed only by a certified engineer.

When you can't find someone in the phone book, call computer support. Why not? We do everything else for you!

When something's the matter with your computer ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

When you receive a huge movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on the mail server for exactly this reason.

When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.